


AC 206

by IsolaVirtuosa



Series: Sexts, Lies, and Duo Maxwell [2]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: 1x2, Dramedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 16:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1989609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsolaVirtuosa/pseuds/IsolaVirtuosa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heero reflects on the mistakes that he's made and tries to make them right.  Unfortunately, his dry wit isn't winning him any sympathy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	AC 206

**\- AC 206 -**

 

            Duo Maxwell broke my heart in AC 201.

            That’s what Relena tells me, anyway.  I tell her it’s a stupid metaphor.  If a heart is broken, then the person dies.  You need your heart to function properly in order to live.

            “Exactly,” she had said, giving me a bittersweet smile.

            I’d  rolled my eyes at her.  Relena was a romantic to the core.  I found it difficult to follow her thinking at times, as it was so contrary to my own.

            I met so many people in AC 195 who changed my life.  But among them, there were two who changed me so fundamentally and radically that it’s like they are inside of me, a part of the man I have become today.

            Relena taught me about hope and about peace.  Duo taught me about friendship and laughter.  They both taught me how to be human.

            After the war was over, I felt as though I’d outlived my purpose.  Those two felt differently, and tracked me down to the farthest corner of an abandoned Russian forest.  They brought me back into the world and forced me to live in it.

            I couldn’t find my place.  The only time I felt halfway normal was when I was with Duo.  I made him my place and I clung to him.  I became so paranoid and anxious, slowly feeling my mind unravel, yet Duo was my anchor.  He pulled me through the worst of it, and I made a decision to try to live for Duo’s sake.

            He once told me that I had made him my prisoner.  It took me a long time to understand those words, but they stayed with me for a long time.

            I put my life in Duo’s hands.  I made my everything dependent on him.  But what I hadn’t realized was that Duo wasn’t an anchor, he was another broken and battered ship wandering aimlessly through the raging oceans.

            I feel so stupid looking back on it all.  It’s all so obvious, yet I was so emotionally stunted that I just couldn’t see it.  I hurt Duo so much.  I never wanted to hurt him.

            Relena tells me that I can’t change the past, so I should focus on building a better future.  She’s always saying melodramatic things like that.  It’s not just for her political speeches, it’s how she actually talks all the time.

            I love that about her.  Relena is such a strange yet fascinating and wonderful person, and she’s helped me get through a lot of hard times.

            She paid for my rehab after I’d whittled away all my money on drugs and alcohol.  She welcomed me into her home afterwards with open arms, helping me get back on my feet.  This is a bigger deal than one might think.

            In early AC 203, I was fired from the Preventers.  I had never actually looked for a job in my life, and I had no idea how to go about getting one.  I did drugs instead.  Stronger drugs than before.  I was evicted from my apartment.  Quatre took me in, but told me that I was not to use drugs under his roof as a condition of my staying there.  So I did drugs at clubs and in seedy motels.  I ran out of money quickly.  My new drugs were a lot more expensive than the old ones, and the itch to take them so much stronger.

            I thought about Duo a lot.

            Quatre had his new number stored in his phone.  I used the vid screen to call him.

            “Hey, Quat,” Duo answered the phone, smiling cheerfully until he realized who was actually calling.  “Shit.”

            “Hey, Duo, you look so happy to see me,” I said, smirking at him.  I scratched absently at the crook of my arm that was now lined with track marks.

            “What the fuck, Heero,” Duo said, looking uncomfortable.

            “I just wanted to call and say hi,” I said, grinning at him.

            “You look like shit,” he said, a slight hitch in his voice.

            “Never been better,” I said.  “As soon as I got your useless ass out of my life, everything’s been so good.  I can finally be happy.”

            “That’s… real good, Heero,” Duo said, chewing on his bottom lip as his eyes flickered with pain.

            “I don’t need you,” I told him, and I couldn’t help but laugh.  It was all so damn funny.  “Look what you made me do.”

            Duo let out a horrified shout as I held up my bleeding wrist that I had cut right before I called him.

            One of my prouder moments.

            I hung up on him and crawled into bed to sleep.

            I’d been high at the time I’d cut myself and hadn’t done a very good job of it.  A bit of stitching by Quatre’s doctor and I was good as new.

            Looking back, it was like an out of body experience.  But then, most of my life has been that way.  I didn’t have a sense of normalcy.  I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel in my own skin.

            I never felt _right_.

            “Heero, you need to go to rehab.”

            “Hn.”

            “No, I mean you need to go to rehab or get out of my house.”

            I studied Quatre’s serious face.  I nodded, gathered up my things, and left.

            What followed was beyond an out of body experience.  I was never in my head.  I didn’t want to be in my head.

            Relena brought me back.

            “Reports have come in that Vice Minister Darlian has been taken hostage-”

            “Again?” he said, his voice interrupting the reporter.

            I felt like I had suddenly woken up from a thousand years of sleep.  I pressed a hand over the man’s mouth, eyes fixed on the television.  He made an affronted noise and I turned briefly to give him a look before turning back to the TV.

            He stayed quiet.

            I didn’t even know who the fuck he was, but apparently this was his apartment and we had spent the night doing drugs and having sex.  I think the boxer shorts I was wearing were his, too.  I’d been stealing my wardrobe from any guy I went home with lately.  No laundry machine when you were homeless.

            The report concluded, with the only information being that Relena had been taken hostage in Sanc en route towards her home after a peace summit in the colonies.  A terrorist group was demanding a hefty ransom for her safe return.

            “Relena,” I said, staring at the TV.

            “What, you got the hots for the queen of the world?” the man asked with a snort.  “She doesn’t seem your type.”

            “Do I have to cover your mouth again?”

            “Will you be doing it sexily or will you be doing it how you just did it two minutes ago?”

            I stared at him.

            “Yeah, easy, down boy,” he said, holding his hands up in surrender.

            “Why the fuck did I go home with you last night?” I asked, staring at the man incredulously.  He had to be the most annoying person I had ever met, and I had met many annoying people.

            “Because of my sparkling personality and winning body?” he suggested.  “Or because of all the cocaine you snorted?”

            “Shut up and give me your computer.”

            “Uh…”

            “Now.”

            “It’s on the desk, jeez.”

            “You have a desktop…”

            “As you can clearly see.”

            “Who has a desktop nowadays?”

            “Who says ‘nowadays’?”

            I was done with this trick.  I turned on the computer, waiting anxiously for it to start up.

            “Are you googling naked pictures of Minister Darlian or something?  What’s the rush?”

            “I am going to kill you.”

            “Woah, buddy, that’s a bit extreme.”

            It finally turned on and I quickly started up the internet browser.  My old surveillance network was still up and I quickly signed into it to see what I could find out about the Sanc hostage situation.

            “Seriously, though, that chick is trouble.  She’s always getting kidnapped and shit.”

            “Did I not tell you to shut up?”

            “Yeah, you did.”

            “And that I’m going to kill you?”

            “Yeah.  Which I might add is very uncool, what with me kindly sharing my bed with you last night.”

            “It’s not my fault you’re stupid.”

            “Wow, you really don’t let up.”

            I focused on my surveillance and hacking.

            “What the hell are you doing, anyway?” he asked, peering over my shoulder.

            “Transferring money from a war criminal to my credit account,” I said.

            “Are you still high, buddy?”

            “What part of ‘shut up’ do you not understand?”

            “You were a lot nicer last night.”

            “You must have been high because I’m never nice.”

            “Well, you kept calling me the wrong name, but other than that you were _very nice_.”

            I sighed loudly and continued working.  After I had everything I needed, I logged out of everything and turned the computer off.  “Give me your clothes.”

            “Uh…”

            “Now.”

            “This is the most awkward one night stand ever.”

            “Shut up.”

            I left the unnamed man’s apartment fully dressed in his clothes, hailing a cab and heading straight for the airport.

            I thought I had secured a ticket directly to Sanc, but when I checked in, the airline worker informed me that all flights to Sanc had been grounded.  I tried to recalculate quickly, but my brain wasn’t moving as quickly as it should have been.  I changed my ticket to fly to Finland instead.

            I got on the plane and wondered what the hell I’d been thinking.  I had a panic attack being trapped in such a small space with all of those unknown people, breathing harshly into the airsick bag.  My whole body was shaking.  I wanted a cigarette.  I wanted something.  Anything.

            Good thing the flight was less than two hours, or things might have gotten ugly.  I hit the streets in Helsinki, looking for some kind of upper to get me through the day.  Because that was a great way to save Relena, being on drugs.  Surely that would help me outsmart a terrorist cell.

            Now that I was using my dubiously acquired credit card again, I suddenly had money.  I was able to get thoroughly upped, and continued trying to find a way to Sanc.  Unfortunately all forms of transportation had been halted for that particular destination.

            I could steal a plane and fly there myself.  That would have been a great plan if I hadn’t completely destroyed my body.  I was not the super slick revolutionary that I used to be.

            It took me two days to get to Sanc.  I finally stowed away on a commercial food delivery ship that had been given clearance to enter the besieged kingdom.  The security was fairly lax, and I still had some skills.

            By the time I’d reached the palace, it was all over.  My transistor radio was singing the praises of the Preventers who had rescued Relena unscathed.  The terrorists had been arrested and were awaiting trial.

            I surveyed the perimeter, identified the weak point, and began my infiltration.      

            With the swarm of Preventer agents causing mass confusion as they tried to clean up the situation, it was easy to slip in undetected.

            I waited in Relena’s room until they had finished interviewing her.  The door opened, then quickly closed.

            “Heero?” she whispered.

            “Relena.”

            She stared at me, wide-eyed.

            “I wanted to get here sooner.”

            There were tears in her eyes.  I walked over and brushed them away.

            “I wanted to be the one to save you.”

            “I was waiting for you…”

            Our arms wrapped around each other automatically, holding each other close.

            Relena never cried.  She told the world to go fuck itself, only classier.  But her body shook with her sobs as we clung to each other.

            We sat together on the edge of her bed.

            “Your security is terrible,” I informed her.

            “So I’ve been told,” she said with a smile, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.  “Heero, you look terrible.”

            “Gee, thanks.”

            “No, seriously, you look all cracked out.”

            “Cracked out?”

            Relena grinned at me, that smile that said she knew she was saying things not appropriate of a lady.

            “I want to get better,” I whispered.

            Relena hugged me again.

            I stayed with her until she could get me into a rehab program for soldiers.

            It was not as easy as I expected.  I always used to tell Duo that I could stop drinking whenever I wanted, but that I didn’t want to.

            “Bitch, you’re an alcoholic,” Duo would say.  “You can’t just quit that shit.”

            “I’m Heero Fucking Yuy, I do what I want.”

            Apparently I was quite wrong.

            Rehab was a mess.  I was always breaking things and trying to kill people.  It was kind of awkward.

            I made it through.  I went through the outpatient program.  I relapsed.  I went back to rehab.

            Relena supported me through it all.

            I was awful to her sometimes.  She just smiled patiently.  If I got really bad, she sicced Dorothy on me.  I started to rebuild.  I made amends with Quatre and Wufei.  I punched Trowa Barton in the face.  He deserved it, the slimy asshole.

            Relena let me reorganize her security team.  I worked for her in a behind the scenes kind of capacity, making sure her guards were competent and wouldn’t let drug addicted twenty somethings just sneak into her room.

            I saw a therapist.  I got put on medications.

            I started to become… normal.

            No, that’s a lie.  I was never going to be normal.  But I felt comfortable in my own skin.

            “You need to make up with Trowa,” Quatre told me one day over tea.  He and Relena were always having tea parties, which I found slightly strange, but I liked tea so I attended anyway.

            “So you made up with Trowa?” I countered.

            “Yes, in fact, I did.”

            “And it doesn’t bother you at all that the man who professes to be in love with you fucked my Duo?”

            “Your Duo?  Really, Heero?”

            “I didn’t mean to say that…”

            “I know you didn’t,” Quatre said, smirking at me.

            “Quatre, please stop riling him up,” Relena said with a shake of her head.

            “No, no, please rile some more,” Dorothy said, grinning up at me from under her ridiculously large hat.  A hat of that size was really quite unnecessary unless you were trying to smuggle a bomb into a party, or something of similar size.

            “There will be no riling in my sunroom,” Relena stated firmly.

            “Heero, you should see Duo now, he just looks like a weight’s been lifted off of his chest,” Quatre said.  “I wasn’t happy about it when I first heard, but now I think it was a good thing.”

            “I hear that Trowa is fantastic in the sack,” Dorothy commented, wiggling her eyebrows.

            “I will murder him in his sleep.”

            “Heero, dear, that’s a bit extreme,” Relena scolded me.

            “Fine, then I’ll murder him when he’s awake so he can see it coming.”

            “It was only the one time,” Quatre said.

            “Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?” I snarled at him.

            “Have some more tea,” Relena said, lifting the pot swiftly and pouring it into my cup.

            I drank it sulkily.

            “I heard Duo has a girlfriend now,” Dorothy said conversationally.

            I stabbed the petit four on my plate with more force than necessary.

            “Dorothy, is that really appropriate tea conversation?” Relena questioned her.

            “Hell yes,” Dorothy said.  “Look at what Heero did to that petit four.”

            “It’s fine, I’m very happy for him,” I said.  “It’s not like we’ve even seen each other in… two years.”  Two years, five months, and six days, but who was counting?

            “Maybe it’s time you two met up then?” Quatre suggested gently.  “I think he’d be glad to see how well you’re doing.”

            “No,” I whispered, suddenly going into a panic.  I could _not_ see Duo.  I would relapse from the mere sight of him, and would relapse a hundred times over from the sight of his girlfriend.

            “Heero, you’re stronger than that,” Relena said, pinching my arm.

            “No, I’m not,” I muttered.

            “The weather’s really been awful lately, hasn’t it?” Quatre said suddenly.

            “So rainy and windy,” Relena agreed.

            “You two are not even subtle at conversation changes,” Dorothy informed them.

            “I agree with Dorothy,” I said.

            They both just shrugged and continued talking about the weather.

            I guess it was pretty pathetic to still be obsessed with my ex-boyfriend, almost four years after we’d broken up.  But he was so much more than that.  He was the man who stopped me from killing myself and gave me a reason to live.  So I could be a little obsessed.

            I’d never made amends with him.

            Quatre had been encouraging me to at least just try emailing him so I could finally finish step nine in my 12 step program, even though I’d said I had finished it all a long time ago.

            Duo was like an impossible road block to my sobriety that I couldn’t overcome.

            I’d actually been ready to contact him, and then the whole Trowa thing had happened.  I’d been trying to make amends when Trowa came for an earth side visit.

            “Trowa,” I greeted him.

            “Heero,” he greeted back.

            “I used to get angry at you for always taking Duo’s side.  I see how wrong I was now.  I apologize.”

            “Are you reading off of a notecard?”

            “Quatre says that my apologies suck, so he proofreads them before I give them.”

            “Well, apology accepted I guess.  But I’ve got something to apologize for, too.”

            “What is it?”

            “I slept with Duo.”

            I punched him in the face without a second thought.

            Trowa sat up, his right eye looking strangely puffy.  He’d slicked his hair back, which made his other eye look like a welcome target.

            “I wanted him to have his first time with someone he felt safe with and who would know how to take it slow and deal with his phobias.”

            I punched the other eye.

            Trowa squinted up at me.  “I’m sorry.  It’s actually made things a bit tense between Duo and I, but he’s gotten a lot happier.”

            I punched him in the nose.

            “Are you done yet?”

            “I’ll kill you.”

            And then I was dragged away by Quatre and Wufei.

            Wufei and I were on surprisingly good terms.  He respected that I had come to him as a man and apologized.  He was impressed by my commitment to sobriety.

            After I left Sanc and returned to Germany, Wufei and I became roommates in his larger-than-necessary-for-one-person house.  We meditated, played chess, and drank tea together.  There were still some topics that got us fighting, but mostly we lived together in companionable silence.  It was a strange arrangement, but it made me feel like I was moving forward with my life.  The thing with the five of us gundam pilots is that no matter how much we piss each other off, we’re like family.

            I started working for the Winner Corporation in security.  Quatre had bent over backwards to get me the job, even if he was the CEO, due to my past.  I made sure to arrive early each day and to put in a full night’s work.  I mostly did boring tasks like video monitoring and rounds, but was occasionally allowed to work with the computers and beefing up security.

            “You look good, Heero,” Relena informed me in an airport cafe, during a layover for a flight to Africa.

            “Hn.”

            “You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’ or better yet, ‘no, Relena, _you_ look good.’”

            I snorted.  “If you say so.”

            “I do.”

            “Heero, Dorothy knows this darling boy who’s working as a field agent for the Preventers…”

            “Stop trying to fix me up.”

            “I want you to be happy.”

            “What about yourself?”

            “I’m too busy to be happy.”

            I grasped her hand gently in mine.  “I want you to be happy.”

            We exchanged smiles.

            Relena continued trying to fix me up, and got Quatre in on it.

            “What do you think of Ahmed?”

            “The new patrol guy?” I asked.

            Quatre nodded.

            “He seems competent.  I think he will perform his job adequately.”

            “Yeah, but do you think he has a nice butt?”

            “What, is he your type?” I asked.

            “I meant for you!” Quatre said with a scowl.

            “You don’t shit where you sleep.”

            “That sounds like something Duo would say.”  
            “It probably was,” I said with a little smile.

            “You should try emailing him,” Quatre said suddenly, gripping my shoulder gently.

            “I don’t know,” I said.

            “I think you’re ready.”

            So I tried to think of what to say.  There were so many things, but when I tried to put them down on paper they just sounded like the rantings of an obsessed stalker.  I settled on, ‘Hi, Duo.  I’m sober now, and I see how much I hurt you, so I’m sorry.  Best, Heero.’

            “You seriously sent that to him?!” Quatre demanded, staring at the screen.  “I’m supposed to proofread, Heero!  You didn’t let me proofread!”

            “There’s nothing wrong with it,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

            Quatre let out a frustrated sigh.

            ‘That’s great, man!  And thanks.  Duo.’

            “Was Maxwell at a loss for words?” Wufei asked with a snort as he read the reply.

            I read the words again, my lips tracing over every syllable.

            I didn’t know if I felt any better.  I didn’t know if I had properly made amends to him.

            I was lonely.

            And I wanted to have sex.  Sex was easy.  It was like the best mode of communication in the world.  For socially retarded people like me, anyway.  I could actually connect with another person.

            Unfortunately, I only knew how to get people to sleep with me at bars or clubs when I was drunk.  Sobriety made getting a date difficult.  I had to actually talk to people, which never ended well.

            People tell me that I’m too quiet.  So I talk.  Then they tell me I’m too blunt and to be quiet.  I can’t win.

            “I want a cigarette,” I complained.

            “You quit,” Wufei informed me.

            “I want sex.”

            “You had better not be looking at me when you say that.”

            “Like that would ever happen.”

            “Good.”

            “Good.”

            Quatre and Relena kept trying to set me up on dates, which was just awkward.  Any person forced to be in my presence for more than five minutes was inevitably made to feel uncomfortable, if not terrified.  I have that effect on people.

            Then something weird happened.

            I actually became friends with one my prospective suitors.

            Ahmed, who worked the night shift with me at the Winner Corporation Germany Office on the weekends, had been with the Maguanacs.  He knew who I was, and maybe that’s why he cut me some slack.  My other co-workers dreaded working with me and had long since learned not to say anything to me that didn’t relate to the task at hand.

            Ahmed never shut up.

            “So my sister’s pregnant again,” Ahmed informed me glumly.  “Twins.  Not one, but two guys inside of her.”

            I continued to stare at the screens in front of us that we were supposed to be monitoring.

            “She’s already got five kids, man,” he said, sounding exasperated.  “Now she’s gonna have one for every day of the week.  She doesn’t even like kids!”

            “It’s time for my patrol.”

            “Yeah, sure, man,” Ahmed said with a nod.  He never got annoyed with me for interrupting or ignoring him.

            Probably because he’d resume his story as soon as I got back.  Ahmed just liked to hear himself talk.

            It was annoying, but I didn’t really mind.

            “And then Master Quatre was all, ‘Ahmed, you can’t just start wearing a fez out of the middle of nowhere,’ like it was somehow offensive to him,” he rambled on to me.

            “Quiet,” I said.

            “But this is serious, Heero!  Fezzes are cool.  Don’t you think fezzes are cool?”

            “Something’s wrong,” I said, tapping Screen 8.  “This camera is being looped.”

            “What?  How the hell can you tell that?”

            “It’s our job?”

            But now Ahmed’s serious eyes were locked on the screens.  “Screen 9 as well.”

            “I’ll go check it out.”

            “I’ll back you up.”

            I nodded, checking that my gun was properly loaded before holstering.  We took the stairs up to the sixth floor.  The cameras covered a hallway and office in the records department.  All was quiet as we moved forward, me taking point and Ahmed at my back.

            Then we heard it.

            _Thump_.

            I gestured toward the main records office.  The room was dark, but there were soft noises emanating from there.

            Ahmed nodded and we both approached the room silently.  He seemed to be able to read my signals well, and took up next to the door, ready to open it while I prepared to enter.  He held up his fingers in a countdown.  _3… 2… 1…_

           Ahmed threw the door open and I leaned in around the doorframe, flashlight and gun pointing into the room.

            Apparently the manager of records was having an affair with his secretary.

            Nothing actually interesting ever seemed to happen at the Winner Corporation.

            I found that I didn’t mind.

            “Oh, shit, did you see his face?!” Ahmed said, still cracking up after we’d returned to the monitoring room.

            “It was kind of hard to focus on that when his pasty white ass was right in my face,” I said.

            Ahmed paused for a beat, then burst out into another hysterical fit of laughter.  “Oh, shit, Heero, you are a funny guy.”

            I shrugged, checking all the screens.  The cameras on the sixth floor had been restored, and all was well in the Winner Corporation again.

            “You wanna go get a beer sometime?” Ahmed asked, catching me off guard.

            “Huh?” I said.

            “You, me, a bar?”

            “I’m a recovering alcoholic.”

            “Oh, shit, I knew that,” Ahmed said, looking aghast at his mistake.

            I shrugged.

            “Tea, then?”

            “You want to go out for tea?”

            “Yeah, you’re fun to hang out with it.”

            “I am not.”

            “Hey, don’t sell yourself short, buddy.  Just because you’re quiet and serious and often boring as hell does not mean that you are not at times fun to spend time with.”

            “Actually, it does.”

            “Heeeeero, you’re the only person who listens to me without yelling ‘shut the fuck up, Ahmed!’ every five seconds.”

            “That’s because I don’t actually listen to you.”

            “See, there you go again,” Ahmed said.  “You’re a funny guy.”

            “I wasn’t joking.”

            “Oh, you.”

            So somehow my co-worker Ahmed and I became tea buddies.

            “Heero, he’s gaaaay.  Tap that ass for all it’s worth.”

            “Are you trying to live vicariously through me?” I asked Quatre, raising an eyebrow.

            “Screw you, Heero,” Quatre said.  “And finish making amends with Duo so you can both come to my wedding.”

            “Quatre, are you sure about this?”

            “About you and Duo not having some kind of melodramatic fight at my wedding?  Yes.  Very serious.”

            “I mean about marrying this woman.”

            “Of course I’m sure.  That’s why I proposed.”

            “Quatre.”

            Quatre sighed.  “Don’t you start in on this, too.  She’s a nice girl and I care about her.  We’ll make a lovely Winner heir together and live a pleasantly comfortable life.”

            “While you’re screwing the cabana boy and she’s doing the maid?”

            “Wait, we can do that?”

            “Quatre.”

            Quatre sighed again.  “This is what I’ve decided, and I want you to respect my decision.”

            I nodded.

            “You need to make up with Trowa, too,” Quatre said.

            “He’s not coming to your wedding.”

            “He RSVPed.”

            “I guess he really did move on to Duo,” I muttered, anger towards the freakishly tall man rising up inside of me once again.

            “What have you heard?” Quatre asked, eyes getting shifty.

            “Quatre, you’re being a dick.”

            “What?!”

            “If you haven’t given up on Trowa, then call off the damn wedding.”

            “I’ve given up!” Quatre snapped.  “You know it would never work between us, just like it didn’t work between you and Duo.”

            I felt that like a stab through the heart.

            “You two don’t even talk anymore, and I don’t want me and Trowa to end up like that!”

            I felt him twisting the knife in deeper and deeper.

            “I’m sorry,” he said softly, the passion dying out of his eyes as he reached for my hand.

            I glared at him.

            “You can bring Ahmed as your plus one!”

            I went to the wedding with Wufei.  He wasn’t actually my plus one, and it certainly wasn’t a date, but neither of us liked social functions, so we made an agreement to help get each other out of any awkward situations.

            Before that, though, I had to make sure things were okay with Duo.

            ‘Duo, I’m going to Quatre’s wedding.  I hope that we can meet there as friends.  Looking forward to it, Heero.’

            “That’s not bad,” Quatre mused.  “But I think-”

            I hit the send button.

            “I wasn’t done!”

            I shrugged.  Then I began awaiting a reply.

            ‘Heero, I don’t know if I’m up for ‘friends’, but I think we could do ‘friendly acquaintances’.  Also, if you touch Trowa again I will end you.  XOXO, Duo.’

            I smiled a little at the x’s and o’s.  Then I got a surge of jealousy about the Trowa thing.

            Duo and Trowa arrived at the spaceport two days before the wedding.  I was not allowed to go meet them in case I caused a ‘scene’.  Like I would do that.  Well, I probably wouldn’t have.  Fucking Trowa, fucking my Duo.  At least the girlfriend hadn’t come along with them, because I don’t even know how I would have reacted to that.

            Wufei brought them over to the house before dropping them off at the hotel.  I stood on the porch, anxiously twisting at my hands as I watched the car pull up.

            Duo got out of the car first, and the other two stayed inside, watching.

            I didn’t notice.  I just stared at Duo.  He had filled out a bit more, with sturdier looking shoulders and a broader chest.  But otherwise he looked just the same.

            “Hey,” he said, approaching the porch with a casual saunter.

            “Hey,” I answered.

            Duo looked up at me, chewing on his lip.

            I felt my heart thundering in my chest.

            “Shit, Heero, your hair!” he finally burst out with, clattering up the stairs.  I suddenly found his fingers running through the short, spiky strands.

            “I uh… shaved my head in rehab…” I said, trying to focus my thoughts.  “I let it grow a little and it stayed like this.”

            “Damn, it’s really hot,” Duo said, grinning at me.  “You can see your cheekbones now, and your eyes, and yeah… it’s good…”

            I tried to hold the blush back, but my control over my body had suffered since my bout with my addictions.

            I was gratified to see Duo blush, too, as he abruptly pulled his fingers from my hair.  “Sorry, man.  I…”  Then he gave up on words and wrapped me in a hug.  “You look good,” he said when he finally let me go.  “I’m just really glad that you’re… you know, looking good.”

            “Thanks.”

            Duo turned and made a beckoning gesture at the two in the car.

            Trowa got out, eyeing me up and down.  “Yuy,” he greeted from across the yard.

            “Barton.”

            Duo gave me a sharp elbow in the ribs.

            I turned a glare at him.

            Duo’s face lit up in a delighted smile and he let out a bark of laughter.  “God, you don’t change, do you?”

            “Neither do you,” I said, still glaring.  Then I strode towards Trowa.

            “I’m still in love with Quatre,” Trowa stated flatly.

            “I’m still in love with-” I started, and immediately cut myself off.  Where the fuck had that come from?

            Trowa gave me a sympathetic look.

            “-Wufei,” I concluded.

            Wufei started sputtering, while Duo cracked up and Trowa’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

            “We’re not… he’s not… I don’t…” Wufei tried to protest.

            “Ah, it’s all so clear now,” Duo said.  “All that fighting with Heero…”

            “Maxwell, you dishonorable cur.”

            Trowa and I shook hands and I joined them in their ride to the hotel.

            “So I told Trowa he needs to go all _Graduate_ on Quatre’s ass.”

            “Maxwell, I don’t know what that means but I know that you need to stop,” Wufei growled, glaring at Duo through the rearview mirror.

            “Someone needs to stop this farce of a wedding!” Duo protested.

            “Aren’t you and Quatre finally back on good terms?” Wufei asked.  “Let it go.”

            “This is for Trowa’s honor!”

            “What honor?” I muttered.

            “Do I get a say in this?” Trowa asked.

            “No,” Duo said.

            “I think I should get a say,” Trowa complained.

            “Not if your say is going to be stupid.”

            “You’re the one saying he should interrupt one of our brother’s weddings,” Wufei said disgustedly.

            “Oh my god, Wu, why is that so adorable?” Duo said, momentarily distracted.  “Brothers.  Heh.”

            “Are you even listening to what I’m saying?” Wufei snarled back.

            “No, why would I do that?”

            “Maxwell.”

            We pulled up to the hotel, Duo and Wufei bickering all the while Wufei took the suitcases out of the trunk.

            “See you tonight,” Duo said, waving as he dragged his suitcase towards the front door.

            Trowa hesitated, then came over to my side of the car.

            I rolled the window down.

            “He’s not as okay with seeing you as he’s acting,” Trowa said.

            I glared at him.

            “Just be good to him and make him okay with it, yeah?”

            “Understood.”

            Trowa followed after Duo.

            Wufei grasped my shoulder, then dropped his hand to the clutch as he drove us back to the house.

            That night was Quatre’s bachelor party.  It was the five of us, Rashid, Relena, and Dorothy in a private club that was serving non-alcoholic cocktails.  And strippers.

            “That woman is only wearing little circles over her breasts!” Relena marveled.

            “That’s nothing, check out the package on that guy,” Dorothy said, elbowing her in the side and pointing to man who was wearing nothing more than elephant trunk underwear.

            Rashid was drinking something suspicious from a flask and having a grand old time.  Duo was dancing on tables with the strippers.  Quatre was getting a lap dance from a male stripper.  Wufei, Trowa, and I were just sitting in the corner together, sipping our non-alcoholic beverages and shaking our heads.

            “What are you three doing?” Duo asked, catching his breath after the song had ended.

            “We want to die,” Trowa informed him.

            “This is hell,” Wufei stated.

            I just stared at Duo with googly eyes and didn’t dare open my mouth because surely something stupid would come out of it.

            Duo gave me a tight smile, then turned back to Wufei and Trowa, teasing them mercilessly about being boring fuddy duddies.  Then he started hatching a scheme about Trowa acting like one of the strippers and giving Quatre his next lap dance.

            Trowa’s eyes flickered, and he was suddenly very angry.  “Fuck off, Duo.”

            Duo flinched, then shrugged and flipped Trowa off, going back to join Quatre, Rashid, and the girls.

            “I just want this to be over,” Trowa said softly.

            We watched the other four have fun.  Well, they watched the other four have fun.  I watched Duo.  Because I am a stalker.  I did briefly get distracted when Relena decided to have a lap dance from a female and male stripper simultaneously.  I was getting twitchy about going over there and punching them all in their stripper faces, but Dorothy stopped me with an amused shake of her head.

            “Let Miss Relena have some fun for once, Heero,” she said.  “After the wedding she has to go back to being the perfect politician.”

            I scowled at her, but let everyone in the room live.

            Trowa and Quatre disappeared together at one point.  They both came back looking sad.

            Quatre borrowed Rashid’s flask.  He seemed to regain his happy after a while.

            Trowa did not.

            Duo came over and the two talked quietly for a while.  I went over to sit with Relena, and she and Dorothy kept trying to get me to have a go at the strippers.

            “He’s so your type, Heero,” Relena said giggling.  “Come on, I know how lonely you’ve been.”

            I glared at her, which only made her giggle more loudly.

            I left the club with several strippers’ numbers.

            Wufei drove us home.

            “Ugh,” he said.

            “Ugh,” I agreed.

            We were all really looking forward to Quatre’s wedding.

            The rehearsal dinner was a ridiculous affair that might as well have been the wedding for all the money that was lavished on it.  I was the best man, which somehow obligated me to attend and at least pretend to not want to hang myself.

            My social anxiety was running through the roof, and I was very happy to go home, go to my room, close the door, and enjoy some silence.

            “Just one more day,” I muttered to myself.

            The wedding went off smoothly.  The bride looked lovely, Quatre was beaming, the Maguanacs were crying, and Duo stayed silent in his seat despite the rage imprinted across his face.  Trowa stayed stoic, staring blankly in front of him the whole time.  I gave Quatre the rings at the appropriate time, which was a load off my mind, and then they were man and wife.

            The reception was yet another over the top affair.  I had to make a speech, which Quatre proofread and made excessive changes to.

            Marimeia seemed to find it hysterical.  “Oh my god, Heero, say ‘I wish you all the best’ with that murderous look in your eyes again.”

            “Mari,” Une said sharply.

            Marimeia stopped laughing, but still had a huge smirk on her face.

            “It was a very nice speech,” Relena said, patting me on the arm.

            Ahmed was sitting with the other Maguanacs, who took up five tables in the sprawling ballroom, but when the music started he came over and asked me for a dance.

            I eyed him suspiciously.

            “Master Quatre said to make sure you weren’t just sitting here sulking,” he said with a grin.

            “I don’t know how to dance.”

            “I’ll teach you.”

            Ahmed was a terrible dancer.  It made me smile though, as the blind led the blind.

            Wufei gave me a weird look when I came back to the table.

            “What?” I asked.

            Wufei just continued to give me a strange look.  Then Sally grinned and dragged him off to the dance floor.

            “Heero?”

            I turned in surprise at the soft voice.

            “Duo?”

            “Hey, man, uh, Trowa’s kinda trashed.”

            Duo and Trowa had been sitting across the room from us, and as I looked over in that general direction I could see Trowa slumped down over the table.

            “Wufei drove us so…” Duo trailed off, looking uncertain.

            I glanced towards Wufei, who was yelling at Sally all the while dancing a lovely waltz with her.  Wufei was always happiest when he was yelling at someone, so I could see why Duo was hesitant to go and interrupt him.

            “I’ve got a spare key to the car…” I trailed off.

            “Do you mind?” Duo asked, giving me a tight smile like he’d given me the other day.  “I don’t want to make a scene, ya know?”

            “I thought you wanted Trowa to go all _Graduate_ on this wedding,” I said.

            Duo’s grin became a bit more genuine.  “That would have been awesome.  But Trowa threatened me to be on my best behavior, so…”

            “If you want to go say goodbye to Quatre, I’ll load Trowa into the car.”

            “Thanks, man,” Duo said with a nod, moving off towards Quatre and his bride.

            I moved towards Trowa, who was currently lying on the table like he was asleep.

            “Time to go, Barton.”

            Trowa lolled his head to the side, staring up at me with his green eyes.  “No.”

            “Duo wants to go back to the hotel,” I prodded him.

            “Duo can suck my dick.”

            I could feel my eye twitching.  Now would be a really inappropriate time to lose control of my temper, so I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

            Trowa’s expression twisted into a smirk.  “You gonna hit me, Yuy?” he asked, the words slurring together.

            “I’d very much like to,” I replied.

            “I dare you.”

            I rolled my eyes at him, taking one of the empty seats across from him and deciding to wait for Duo.  Fighting a brokenhearted drunk guy wasn’t on my to-do list for the wedding.

            “Pussy,” Trowa muttered.

            “I thought you were gonna load him in the car for me,” Duo said, coming up beside me.

            “The target was more hostile than expected from the mission parameters.”

            Duo snorted, walking over to Trowa.  “Okay, Bloomsy, we’re going,” he said, hauling Trowa up by the back of his jacket.

            “No, I need more alcohol,” Trowa protested.

            “Heero, get his other arm,” Duo said, linking arms with Trowa and dragging him towards the exit.

            I did as I was told, and the two of us made an awkward exit supporting the significantly taller man between us.

            “Can I moon them?” Trowa whispered as we started through the door.

            “ _Now_ you want to moon them?” Duo complained.  “I had so many great ideas for ruining this wedding, and you’re all nooo, we can’t ruin my precious blondie bear’s wedding, ohmigod Duo why are you such a horrible person?”

            “How could the sight of my perfect ass possibly ruin a wedding?  It would be cause for a celebration!” Trowa declared indignantly.

            “Tro, your ass is flatter and less appealing than mine,” Duo said.  “And that’s really saying something.”

            We continued through the parking lot with Duo and Trowa bantering while I just stayed quiet because it was all too surreal.  It was like nothing had changed at all since I’d last seen them.  Yet everything had changed.

            We strapped Trowa into the backseat, Duo opting to sit back there with him to make sure he didn’t puke all over Wufei’s car.  Or perhaps to encourage him to puke all over Wufei’s car.

            Trowa got somber, staring out the window quietly.

            “It’s over,” Duo said gently.

            “Yeah,” he agreed.

            “Time to move on to bigger and blonder things?”

            Trowa was silent.

            Duo sighed, leaning back against his seat.  “I just don’t get you, man.  If you love him so much, then how can you just sit back and let him make the biggest mistake of his life?”

            Trowa didn’t answer.

            “Because sometimes love is about knowing when to let the other person go,” I said quietly, my grip tightening on the steering wheel.

            I could see Duo tense in the rearview mirror.

            “Speaking from personal experience there, Yuy?” Trowa asked with a bitter snort.

            “It’s the same for Quatre,” I said.  “He knew he had to let go.”

            “That makes no sense,” Duo spat out angrily.  “What the fuck reason does Mr. Prissy Pants Quatre have for letting Trowa go?  His stupid fucking business and producing a stupid fucking heir?”

            “Quatre wants a normal, quiet life because he’s as fucked up as the rest of us,” I said.  “So yes, his version of normal is his stupid fucking business and producing a stupid fucking heir.”

            “That makes no sense!” Duo raged.

            “Do you even know Quatre?” I challenged him.  “Trowa gets it.”

            “Don’t drag me into this,” Trowa said, gaze fixed out the window.

            “It’s about you, moron!” Duo snapped, giving Trowa sharp hit in the arm.

            “It’s the same reason you let me go,” I said.

            “Oh, fuck you, Heero,” Duo growled.  “That was completely different.”

            “You had your baggage, I had mine, and we couldn’t deal with it together,” I said.  “It’s the same for Quatre and Trowa.”

            “You’ve made your point,” Trowa cut in before Duo could say anything else.  “So can we just end it already?  I’m tired of talking about Quatre.”

            “You’re all idiots,” Duo muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

            “Probably,” I agreed.

            “Hn.”

            “Give me a cigarette,” Duo said, elbowing Trowa.

            “You quit,” Trowa answered.

            “Yes, which is why I need one of yours.”

            Trowa held out the pack and Duo took three, along with the lighter.

            Duo started chain-smoking.

            We reached the hotel in silence.

            “Tro, can you walk to the room?” Duo asked.

            “Of course,” Trowa said, throwing the door open and trying to get out of the car with his seatbelt still buckled.

            Duo sighed, casting his eyes towards me.  “Can you help me get him to his room?”

            “Sure,” I said.

            I turned off the car, then went around to help Duo drag Trowa along through the lobby to the elevator.  We rode up in silence, got out and dragged Trowa to his door, waiting as he fumbled through his pockets for the key.  When he finally located it, I took it from him and keyed us into the room.

            “I’ve got it from here,” Duo said after we’d dropped Trowa on the bed.

            “Okay,” I said.  I hesitated.

            “Thanks, Heero,” Trowa murmured, nuzzling his cheek against his pillow.

            Duo didn’t say anything, so I left.

            I had trouble sleeping that night.

            Wufei woke me up the next morning, saying that we were going to be late.

            “It’s my day off,” I growled at him.  Also, I worked the nightshift.

            “We’re taking Duo and Trowa to the spaceport.”

            “Uh, I think it would be better if just you take them.”

            “Duo asked me specifically to make sure that you came.”

            I stared at him incredulously.  Well, it was incredulous for me.  It was probably more a slight widening of the eyes and a parting of the lips.

            “Just hurry up,” Wufei said, slamming the door behind him.

            I scrambled around to get ready.

            Trowa and Duo were waiting outside the hotel with their suitcases.

            Wufei got out of the car to open the trunk and load their suitcases in.

            “Wu-man, right on time,” Duo said cheerfully.

            As we drove towards the airport, Duo picked fights with Wufei about Sally, and Trowa stared out the window silently.  I decided to join Trowa in some melancholy window staring.  _Duo asked me specifically to make sure that you came_.  And to think that had made me feel warm and happy inside.  He probably just wanted to make me feel like even more of a jerk before he left.

            We reached the spaceport and the other three got out of the car.  I stayed put, glaring at the airport through the window.

            The driver side door opened and Duo slid into the car next to me.

            “Hey,” he said.

            “Hey,” I replied tiredly.

            “So uh, we’re going now.”

            “Yes, hence why we’re at the spaceport.”

            “You are so Heero Yuy.”

            “Well who else am I supposed to be?”

            “No one else,” Duo said shaking his head.  “Look, last night was whatever, and you’re never going to convince me of Quatre’s way of thinking… but thanks.”

            “You’re welcome… I guess.”

            Duo smiled, poking me in the arm.  “Look, I know I said we could only be friendly acquaintances, but I’d like to give the whole friend thing a try.  If you’re willing, yeah?”

            I felt like a foolish little child the way my face lit up at his words.  “Really?” I asked, before being able to edit myself.

            Duo laughed, resting his arm on my shoulder.  “Yeah, let’s try it.  I miss having you in my life, you know.”

            “I miss you, too,” I said, still not quite able to get my tongue under control.

            “Then I’ll email you when I get back,” Duo said.

            I nodded, trying to suppress the ridiculous grin on my face.

            “It was good to see you,” Duo said, sliding out of the car.  “Even if you’re still a jerk.”

            “Pot.  Kettle.”

            Duo snorted, closing the door behind him.

            I felt warm inside.  It was really embarrassing.

            After we got home, I started checking the status of their ship to see when it would reach L4.  When it seemed an appropriate time, I started checking my mail constantly.

            “You are deranged, Yuy,” Wufei informed me.

            I ignored him and checked my mail again.  When it finally came, I was too nervous to open it at first.

            ‘ _Hey Heero,_

_We made it back safely.  Trowa was hungover and slept the whole time, so I was forced to entertain myself by giving his phone number to every single blond on the spaceship.  Do you think he’ll appreciate all the things I do for him?_

_Look, not to get all serious on you, but seeing you was rough.  It made me think of a much shittier period of time in my life.  But seeing you with your shit together was amazing and I’m so proud of you and I would be happy as a pig in shit if we could try the whole friend thing out.  So this is me trying.  What do you think?_

_Your friend???_

_Duo_ ’

            I chewed on my lip.

            ‘ _Duo - Your similes continue to be colorful and unnecessary.  I want to try, too.  Your friend, Heero’_

            I was startled by an immediate reply.

            ‘ _Super cheesy, Heero.  Don’t ever change._ ’

            I smiled, closing the laptop.  Maybe it wasn’t the ending I’d imagined with Duo, but it was more than I could possibly ask for.

            Somehow after all the bullshit and the pain and the fighting and the love, Duo and I were able to become friends again.

            I could be happy with that.


End file.
